she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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