I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
