TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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