i just wanna soil my oats bro
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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