what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
