If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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