You smell like stripper and shame
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
