i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
