She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
not ubering you a puppy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
