I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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