This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
