Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
