I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
