No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
