I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
