im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
