We're facebook friends in real life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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