Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
being pregnant is like rehab
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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