I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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