hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
