Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
