yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
