Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
