We got so high we made milksteak
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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