Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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