He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
