My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
