things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
