Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
