I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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