and she was petting her beer can
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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