I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
