I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
