guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
