Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
