i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
