I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
