So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
