we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
