dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
