you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
