did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
