Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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