worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
