She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
