I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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