I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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