remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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