Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
