My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
