I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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