yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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