Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
