I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
