dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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