Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
