Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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