Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
