The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
