I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
