i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
