Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
