My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my phone needs a breathalizer
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
